Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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