Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
