There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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