I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
