I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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