i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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