So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
