C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is wine microwaveable?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
