Christians are straight up FREAKS
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
