Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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