i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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