when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
well you can't waste a boner
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize