I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
