We're like a lot better than the average bears
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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