she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
