mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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