I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
