His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
