batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
