she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
