This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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