3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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