Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
