I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
