so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
