I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i now understand why vodka
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
