i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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