Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
