ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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