OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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