you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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