First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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