just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
