what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
