he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
