So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
