i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
