You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
