It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
