my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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