alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
