I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
