coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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