If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
