I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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