you win again, gameday.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
