Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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