New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
