I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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