Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
