i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't think brook has ever known best
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
