it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
