3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
