im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize