We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
