just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
