Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
