Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
