hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
