Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
