you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
