Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
