dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
