Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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